American Shootings: An End of Silence
Ignorance
Noun
1. lack of knowledge or information.
In 2012, Adam Lanza shot twenty elementary school kids and six staff members at Sandy Hook. I was ten years old. That night, I slept in my mom’s bed with my brother and step father. We were upset but it all took place in Connecticut, and that was enough for my ten year old brain to justify I was safe. I remember how close it was to Christmas, a vivid memory of a parent breaking down on TV explaining how they already bought their daughter’s presents.
A week later, my elementary school put in a buzzer outside for visitors. I was a shy kid. I hated the buzzers. They meant anytime after school when I had to go inside to get water or use the bathroom, I would have to press the grey button and state my case. The school began having lock down drills, which I perceived as just extra practice for a tornado. My classmates and I would whisper and giggle under tables for the five minutes of silence. All of us ignorant to the fact this was practice, a simulation for the possibility the big scary gunman did show up. As a kid, I knew he existed but far away, almost not real. Like the mummies we learned about, that come alive only in the movies.
My elementary school was a sheltered public school. The wood floors were a brown sugar color, every room smelt like kindergarten, the teachers waved hello in the hallways, which were coated in murals and colorful bulletin boards. The word safe flew through the building like the tiny birds that found their way in through the old bricks. This was a fact that didn’t change for me until I left.
After 2013 had begun, I had a dream. I was in my elementary school, except it had a ballroom instead of a main office. At first, I was a video game character, who glitched along walls and jumped at the foot of stairs. I was watching myself, who was not myself, from third person, with an aerial view. I had a big animated gun and looked very out of place. I soon switched into my own body which was frantically pacing the halls. The announcements were going off saying to evacuate, and if you made it across the street from the school you were safe. I looked for my brother before running out. I woke up stressed by the dream. I told it to my mother who said something along the lines of “Oh that’s scary.” No one else I told said anything. As if it had happened, and they were thinking of a way to come across as empathetic. Or maybe, no one said anything because they couldn’t dissipate the fear I was expressing.
Education
/ˌejəˈkāSH(ə)n/
Noun
1. the process of receiving or giving systematic instruction, especially at a school or university.
2. the theory and practice of teaching.
3. a body of knowledge acquired while being educated.
The year before I attended Lucille Brown Middle School, an article came out about a twelve year old boy bringing a handgun into the school. It was not loaded and was handed over on the arrival of police. No one was shot, so no noise was made. Yet a twelve year old boy had access to a gun.
I have attended public schools for the entirety of my life. This means, I know a shocking amount of animal facts, done packets of busy work, had classes that exceed the rooms maximum occupancy, and routinely drilled rules on not letting strangers in the building. You get what you pay for. However, it should be the right of a mother to know her child is coming home from school with nothing more than the stress of homework and relationships. Not bullet holes and PTSD.
Before the 2016 election took place, I was met with the opportunity to see Bill Clinton speak on behalf of Hillary’s campaign. As he ran through her policies he reached the notorious and controversial topic: gun control. He said, “...you have a constitutional right to travel. But if you leave here and you get in your car and go home, you’ll have seatbelts...and you don’t ever hear people griping about car control do you?” The rhetorical question had the entire audience applauding, but those who needed to hear it, were not in attendance.
I know 9/11. Despite being born about a year after it happened, I know it did. I know when I go to an airport I take off my shoes, empty my water bottle, pass through an x-ray. When a bad thing happens people learn. New procedures are put in place, so the probability of it happening again decreases.
Insecure
/2insəˈkyo͝or/
adjective
1.
(of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.
2.
(of a thing) not firm or set; unsafe.
It was a Monday night in February. I was awake in my Ikea loft bed. I should have been asleep but I was watching a movie. At about 10:30 there was a loud bang. This wasn’t uncommon but usually, they sounded more like fireworks and were further away. I texted my neighbor, Eliza, “Gunshot or firework?” we both voted gun shot. I went and sat by the frosty window as large SUV police cars filled the intersection of 29th and Broad. No sirens rang out the cars moved swiftly through the four streets.
I crept down stairs, saw my parents watching out the side window that looked out on to Broad. I asked them what was going on but they new just as much as I did. They explained that I was safe but a doubt buried itself in my heart and left me restless. I was convinced that the man who fired next to my house was hiding in my back alley and would notice our basement unlocked, and come in.
This did not happen. However, this is how so many kids live, without sleep and a feeling of insecurity. I had responsive police, parents at home and as it turned out—harmless victims. Guns and inner city violence is a huge problem. It is not all big massacres. Rather nightly shots in the street hitting targets and collecting victims—brothers, fathers, neighbors. Neighborhoods becoming statistics and left helpless and impoverished.
I have no doubt it is nice to hold your own life in your own hands. To be independent and protected. To not rely on police who are more than a minute away and who may not show up. There is no doubt that my paranoia would decrease, fear of the dark disappear if I had the ability to defend myself from whatever startled me. But, a gun is more than defense, it can kill, with ease and speed, that is their job.
Disappointment
/ˌdisəˈpointmənt/
Noun
1. the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.
2. a person, event, or thing that causes disappointment.
As the Vegas news unraveled I grew more and more upset. So hurt by my nation for allowing a man to legally obtain the power of killing hundreds. Disgusted we could say, “luckily
only 58 are dead.”
When Devin Kelly took 26 lives in a small local church, I had managed to ignore the headlines. I was in a small cafe drinking earl grey tea and reading the newspaper when I finally faced the details of Sutherland, Texas. I had an hour in between dinner and catching movie with a boy I had met at a party. After reading the small column dedicated to the event, the same dismal feeling came, and went leaving nothing but a few unfinished poems.
An insensitivity has plagued the States. The fact that I can scroll through a list of shootings and glance over the ones with three dead, ten injured is sickening. The fact I have to google the name of the gunman responsible for taking dozens of lives less than six months ago because the dead have become irrelevant is nauseating. When the lack of sympathy first came, so did guilt, but soon that faded too. I had reached the point many politicians had years ago. A mindset they paid for with the millions from the NRA. When I see images of guns, a deep pit opens in my stomach and intense fear floods it. While over half of congress’s representatives see dollar signs.
Pride
/prīd/
Noun
1. a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
I am an American. On the fourth of July, I watch fireworks get shot off down by the river which settlers came up and created the England extension that became our large proud nation. Despite whether I stand during its recitation, I know every word of the pledge of allegiance. We are a prideful country. Our mountains are tall, valleys wide, rivers long, lakes deep. Lady liberty stands with straight posture reminding us of our roots. However, America is scared to be vulnerable, she is insecure. Her citizens are fearful and addicted to falsehoods pumped into their blood like heroin by political leaders. Drop the pride, stop ignoring facts. Understand we are not a nation of sunny stories that stumbled upon resolution. When the violent death of 17 American kids at the hands of one of their peers is not enough to begin fixing a broken system, then we are more than broken—we are corrupt.
Silence
/ˈsīləns/
Verb
1. cause to become silent; prohibit or prevent from speaking.
In my spanish class, my peers and I watched the Florida news. Our teacher asked us to explain what we could do to make sure this doesn’t happen again, brainstorm a solution. The class remained silent. Which is not unusual, it is hard for us to express our thoughts in the language that none of us primarily speak. However, this silence loomed over us heavy, like the low rain clouds that came through Richmond after more details were released. What we should have said is,“
Nosotros necesitamos control de armas.”
I didn’t realize it was wrong to assume the Columbine massacre, 33 shot at Virginia Tech, 28 killed in an elementary school, 58 gunned down at a concert, 26 dead in Sutherland Texas, 17 in a Florida high school wouldn’t spark government change, implement control. Our nation is in crisis. This is no longer the responsibility of victims to carry on the vision of reformation, but any student, parent or person who goes in public. There is no prediction for who could be next. And for everything that makes a person different, another ring is painted around the bullseye we wear on our head. We cannot continue being surprised when the same tragedy takes place and no change has intervened.
Citations
“Dad of Shooting Victim's Message for Parkland - CNN Video.”
CNN, Cable News Network, 19 Feb. 2018, www.cnn.com/videos/us/2018/02/19/richard-martinez-advice-for-florida-bts-nr.cnn/video/playlists/florida-stoneman-douglas-school-shooting-reaction/.
“Dictionary.com.”
Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, www.dictionary.com/.
Pierce, Charles P. “What Changed After the Vegas Shooting? Nothing.”
Esquire, Esquire, 19 Feb. 2018, www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a18237781/las-vegas-shooting-nothing-changes/.
“UPDATE: Handgun Found on Lucille Brown Middle School Student.”
NBC12 WWBT Richmond News, Weather, Traffic and Sports - NBC12 - WWBT - Richmond, VA News On Your Side, 15 Feb. 2012, www.nbc12.com/story/16943897/handsun-found-at-lucille-brown-middle-school.